On an October night at a Philadelphia ballroom, guests enjoyed an elaborate cocktail hour with a raw bar.
They recorded heartfelt messages into a rotary phone, which would be turned into an audio guest book, and cheered on a professional breakdancing competition, which could be viewed from their seats or on the giant video wall that showed a live feed of the dance floor. The event at Tendenza by Cescaphe was candy-themed, down to the sugar centerpieces, and the guest of honor imbibed a Martinelli’s apple-cider tower.
This wasn’t a wedding reception. It was a bat mitzvah, the celebration of a Jewish girl’s coming of age in the faith. For months, children study and prepare for their bar mitzvah ceremonies, which take place in the synagogue around their 12th or 13th birthday. Afterward, many families hold a party to mark the milestone.
Sari Marissa Gower, who helped plan the Northern Liberties event for her younger daughter, Dylan, said the festivities cost about $50,000. The price was well worth it, said Gower, 43, because of “how loved [her daughter] felt.”
She said she felt similarly about her older daughter Madison’s Philadelphia-themed bat mitzvah celebration three years ago. That event, held at the Ping-Pong venue SPIN Philadelphia, included appearances by the Mummers and Gritty, and Gower said it cost closer to $35,000 (the South Philly family spent less, she explained, because they had already traveled to Israel for Madison’s bat mitzvah ceremony).
The Gower family’s parties are relatively modest celebrations.
Local parents who opt for higher-end parties usually spend between $20,000 and $70,000 on these events for their coming-of-age children, according to half a dozen Philadelphia-area event planners and vendors. Some hit six figures.
“On the decor, production, they could spend between $50,000 to $200,000” if they go all out, said planner Bobby Morganstein. “And then add in the rest of it, with food and everything – it’s not that unreasonable to say they could spend $200,000 to $250,000 on an event on the high end.”
Planners said the celebrations are increasingly held at unique venues, such as nightclubs in Center City, stadiums in South Philadelphia, or music venues such as the Fillmore, where Jamie Richman had her daughter Simone’s June 2023 bat mitzvah.
“I wanted something really cool, and that was the first thing that came up on my search,” said Richman, 44, of Cherry Hill. While she declined to share publicly how much the party cost, she said every cent was worth it.
Jamie Richman said her own bat mitzvah stands out in her memory in part because father died a few years later. She looks back on the party with added fondness because it was one of the last celebrations her family enjoyed together.
For Simone, “I wanted it to be magical, to be everything,” she said, so “that we could all live with a very happy memory.”
Richman enlisted the help of Dylan Weisman, partner of Xplosive Entertainment, and Morganstein, owner of Bobby Morganstein Events, who has been emceeing, DJing, and planning bar and bat mitzvahs across the Philadelphia region for three decades. He also owns two venues, Beat Street in Huntingdon Valley and Platform Thirty in Manayunk, and a wholesaling company for event furniture, lighting, and decor rentals.
Wealthier clients have always been willing to spend, planners said.
But “the goalposts are moving for those high-end events,” said Weisman, whose 100 bar and bat mitzvah clients last year spent $8,500, on average, just on entertainment. Since the pandemic, he added, the parties have gotten more extravagant. “They’re trying to find ways to outdo each other.”
Today’s families can spend on interactive games, like LED basketball and football; elaborate photo booth decor that can cost $6,000 on its own; and tons of swag branded with personalized logos. They can pay special guests – such as the child’s favorite Phillies or Eagles players – to send well wishes via video or even make a surprise visit in person.
Meanwhile, food, drinks, and other traditional party elements cost more than they used to, due to inflation.
Tech, social media up the ante for high-end bar and bat mitzvahs
Ethan Mazer had a “low-key” bar mitzvah in 2011 at a Wynnewood synagogue hall. The music-themed affair had a DJ and a couple dance motivators, but no photo booths or elaborate games. At the end, one lucky guest got a T-shirt.Today, as the owner of Empower Event Group, Mazer plans parties that look much different.
“Technology around photo booths and big screens and special effects are now being brought into some of these events to make really magical moments, with smoke cannons and confetti,” said Mazer, who each year plans about 80 bar and bat mitzvahs, most of which are on the Main Line or in the city.
“Custom merchandising is something that never used to be a big thing,” Mazer said. “People always had giveaways, but people are taking it to the next level” with branded pajama pants, blankets, tech gadgets, sweatshirts, crocs, even charms for the crocs.
The child being celebrated is often inspired by events and trends they’ve seen on social media, Mazer said. He has planned parties with Sephora makeup and Lululemon athleisure themes, he said. Another included video gaming stations and “Control-Alt-Delete” decor – a nod to the keystrokes for shutting down a frozen computer app.
Morganstein, who’s been doing high-end bar and bat mitzvahs for 30 years, said clients often come to planning meetings with elaborate Pinterest boards.
Through Morganstein’s wholesaling company, Philadelphia Event decor – which accounts for about 75% of his revenue – clients can pick from 15 different dance-floor styles, and a wide array of lounge furniture, lighting, and other decor. Then they add personal branding.
Some families still keep bar and bat mitzvahs ‘low-key’
Not every Jewish family is going all out.
In Lafayette Hill, Valerie Felgoise, owner of Let’s Party with Valerie, said some of her clients’ budgets are “infinity,” but some plan to spend $2,000 or $3,000.
Sharon Fullerton has been photographing bar and bat mitzvahs in Pennsylvania, New Jersey, Delaware, and Maryland since the 1980s. Families’ budgets have always varied, she said, but now they just have more activities and performers to keep the children engaged.
“There have always been mitzvahs that raised the bar,” said Fullerton, who owns Mitzvahtography by Sharon Fullerton. “There have always been low-key mitzvahs that fit the family.”
Jean Kintisch, owner and founder of Wayne-based Pine Hill Events, said she tends to attract clients looking for “low-key” and “not super-shiny” celebrations.
That often means a simpler menu, a limited bar for the adults, a less expensive venue, some DIY decor, and fewer logos, said Kintisch, who has been planning events in the Philadelphia region, New Jersey, and Delaware for 30 years.
A “low-key” bar or bat mitzvah could cost between $10,000 and $50,000, she said.
“What I always guide my clients to do is not get sucked into the mitzvah machine. And keep the focus on the child,” Kintisch said. “The most important thing is celebrating the milestone of the child being called to the Torah. That’s the big deal.”
