Trying to get back into a routine after the holidays. We are not quite sure just what that means anymore. We have recently left behind our remembrance ceremonies, and celebrated our independence, battled horrific fires, floods, and even, very sadly, one another. Our loved ones have been called up for reserve duty yet again, we have warnings of sirens, and we are all hurting in our own ways.
At the moment, we seem to be plagued by an unhealthy mix of just about everything. I’m not 100% sure what the takeaway message is supposed to be, but I am sure that there is a message in all of this that we are meant to be getting but have simply missed.
I think back to the awe I felt several decades ago when I looked down at my first beautiful bundle of joy. His 10 little fingers and 10 little toes were so perfectly formed, each delicately tapered with a tiny nail at the end. As he looked up at me, I felt completely overwhelmed by such a magnificent gift and such sheer perfection. So much could have gone wrong in creating yet another human being – both small and large “errors” – and yet instead, we were blessed to witness a true miracle. Thank you, God.
We have so much to be thankful for
Fast-forward to the present day as you look around. We truly have so much to be thankful for, and we should be so grateful that we’ve been given the privilege to live here. But more than ever before, we seem to be missing this very important message. How often are you spared from danger, bad things or misfortune, and all the while you may be neither aware nor appreciating it? Whether it is the food you eat without choking, the car ride you take without injury, or the decision you make to do or not do something that inadvertently turns out to be the wise choice, these things in themselves are little miracles. And since COVID, the war, and everything else, despite our deep pain – and there is plenty – we have been blessed with so much. How are we meant to show our gratitude? What is our role in all of this?
Having awareness of, and being thankful for, all that you have can change your entire outlook on life. For those making a small blessing over food, for example, it can give them a moment in which to pause, take notice, and have greater appreciation for the food they put in their mouth.
Thanking someone for a good deed or actually doing a good deed yourself for someone else’s benefit requires going out of your way – taking a detour. It may require an investment of time, often goes against an “I want it now” immediate gratification philosophy, and takes you off course if you’re feeling pressured and focusing on your individual success. Or does it?
Perhaps what you may not have seen is how a totally different approach to life may be exactly what will lead to greater fulfillment. It may just have enabled you to be in the right place at the right time. Perhaps the goal isn’t in successfully “getting there,” but instead it is the act of going there or “living life” that makes us successful. If we travel with the right set of values, every step of the journey has potential to be wonderful, and the end destination may be less important.
Focusing on someone else and not on yourself may be the very thing you are meant to be doing because you play such an integral role in helping to make our wonderful country even better. Look around and see how much people are doing for others, and you, too, will see the everyday miracles. Only when we learn to work together will we fully appreciate what the lessons are that we are meant to learn.
Here are some suggestions to help you create your own miracles:
1. Let go of things. Decide when it is time to move on and not hold a grudge.
2. Anger gets in the way of forgiveness and your ultimate happiness. Slow down. Take a step back and not forward when you get angry. Count to 10, breathe.
3. Choose to see the cup as half full instead of half empty. See each drop put in as a blessing.
4. Be happy with yourself for what you have, and don’t dwell on what you don’t have. Being rich is in the eye of the beholder. You can feel like a billionaire; all you have to do is look around.
5. Smile. If outwardly you can be happy, then your inside will begin to radiate with joy as well. Smiles are contagious, and those around you will want to be with you and experience your joy.
6. Don’t wait to appreciate things. Seize the moment. It might not come again. Change “I will be happy when…” to “I am happy now because I am grateful for…”
7. Say “Thank you” for even the smallest things. See how your world can change as a result. Notice and appreciate each other and each moment as you go through your day.
8. Appreciate all that nature has given you for free.
9. Never think that what you were given was not enough and look for more. Let go of expectations. Be grateful for everything you have.
10. Do something for someone else. Offer to drive, pick up groceries, welcome someone into your home. The list is endless. Treat your neighbor and your fellow drivers exactly the way that you would like to be treated.
11. Teach your children to say “Thank you.” Whether it is a gift or someone did something nice, a thank you acknowledging their kind gesture shows you care. Praise your children when they do nice things for others.
12. Listen to what others tell you. Often you can fulfill a need and create a miracle in just a split second.
13. Search for connection. Focus on what we have in common and not on our differences.
14. Regard others favorably. Give them the benefit of the doubt and look after one another.
15. Pay it forward. Check out: helpothers.org and kindspring.org.
A blessing or a burden
WE MAY not have a choice over the package that we are given in life, but we have a choice as to what we do with that package. We can see the package as a blessing or as a burden, the glass half full or mostly empty.
We can feel “done to” or we can take control over our lives and treat people the way in which we ourselves would hope to be treated. When we get to an intersection, we might choose to let the other driver go ahead, even if we were not sure who got there first. We can smile and really catch people off guard.
Can you imagine the shock you might give someone if, “just because,” you pay for the cup of coffee for the person behind you in line? The list of possibilities is endless, and these small acts of kindness really can promote change. But don’t take my word for it; try it yourself.
Life is what you make of it. You can open your eyes wide and see everything around you and appreciate the moment, or you can walk through life with your head down and your eyes closed. You can create your own miracles every day.
While the grass often looks greener on the other side, and you may be jealous of what others seem to have, when you look at all that you have, you might just discover that what you have been blessed with is the best gift of all.
Your own miracles might be right in front of you. You may not have been looking in the right place.
Today is the day for each of us to personally take stock and begin to understand how we are meant to act in order to better appreciate all the miracles around us.
The writer is a licensed clinical psychologist in private practice in Ra’anana, specializing in trauma, grief, and bereavement. Parts of this column have been excerpted from her book Life’s Journey: Exploring Relationships – Resolving Conflicts. She has written about psychology in The Jerusalem Post since 2000. [email protected]; drbatyaludman.com
