An increasing number of couples are embracing "sleep divorce"—the practice of sleeping in separate beds—to improve their sleep quality and overall relationship satisfaction. According to The Sentinel, in England, the rate of couples sleeping separately rose from 12% to nearly 30%, with many couples flexibly alternating between shared and separate nights based on their needs.
Dr. Christine Blume, a sleep researcher at the University of Basel, explains the underlying reasons for the trend. "Sleeping is a fundamental need. If this is permanently restricted—whether by snoring or leaving the reading lamp on—it harms the relationship in the long run," she said, according to The Sentinel.
One of the most common causes of sleep divorce is snoring. The Independent reports that 38 percent of men and 36 percent of women cite it as the primary reason for opting to sleep separately. Other factors include a partner's habit of tossing and turning, differing sleep schedules, and disagreements over bedroom temperature and settings.
Celebrities have also weighed in on the benefits of sleeping apart. Comedian Katherine Ryan discussed her sleeping arrangements on her podcast "What's My Age Again?" with guest Bryony Gordon. When asked if she shares a bed with her husband, Ryan admitted, "I would. But he snores. He does sweat in his sleep sometimes. I prefer to sleep alone… But we have very small children who still wake through the night and I sleep in their room like the [expletive] dog on Peter Pan," as reported by The Independent. Gordon shared a similar sentiment, saying, "I like my sleep. I think sharing a bed with your husband is overrated."
Sleep experts emphasize the importance of addressing sleep issues for the health of relationships. "Good-quality sleep is crucial for both physical and mental wellbeing, increasing energy levels, improving mood, and promoting better overall health," stated Dr. Hana Patel, NHS GP and resident sleep expert at Time4Sleep, according to The Independent. She advises, "If you are finding that sleeping with your partner is causing you to experience chronic lack of sleep, and you find that your health and wellbeing are suffering as a result, it may be time to consider a sleep divorce."
Dr. Ryan Cheong also offers guidance on navigating the sensitive topic. "As long as the discussion and the request is coming from a place of respect, love, and understanding, then it's more likely to be received well by your bed partner when the subject is brought up," he said, as reported by The Independent.
The concept of sleep divorce is not about a lack of intimacy or love but rather about prioritizing individual sleep needs to benefit the relationship. As Dr. Patel notes, "Whilst some may assume that a sleep divorce hinders bedroom intimacy between couples, in fact, it can significantly enhance intimacy and the overall quality of a couple's sex life, particularly for those in long-term relationships. This is because increased energy levels and improved mood from better sleep are important factors in encouraging a healthy libido."
Different sleeping preferences, such as temperature, light exposure, and mattress comfort, can also impact sleep quality. "Ensure that you are having good discussions about your sleeping schedules and are optimizing your sleeping environment," advised Dr. Cheong. He explained that improving co-sleeping conditions should be explored before considering separate sleeping arrangements. "There are different treatments on offer like hypoglossal nerve implants. Both the Genio Nyxoah and the Inspire implants trials that were conducted by myself and my team have been shown to improve both the patient's sleep apnea as well as snoring by the bed partner," he added.
In some cultures, sleeping separately has long been a norm. The Sentinel reports that in India, 78% of couples sleep separately, reflecting a growing trend. Even when sleeping apart due to cultural norms, many Indian couples share a deep bond.
Ultimately, open communication and mutual understanding are key. According to Focus Online, "It is important for couples to decide together what works best for both and to remain open to trying new ways." Embracing separate sleeping arrangements can lead to better rest and a stronger relationship.
"The primary goal is to start the day rested. If someone sleeps better alone, they should do so—anything else would be unnecessary ambition," emphasized Blume.
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