In this week’s Torah portion, Naso, we read about the priestly blessing. This reminds me of an old joke: A man approached the rabbi of his synagogue and told him, "Rabbi, please make me a Cohen." The rabbi, taken aback, tells him that it is impossible.
The man then offers the rabbi $1,000, but the rabbi won’t budge. He offers him $5,000, and the rabbi says, “Sorry, I can’t do it”. He offers him $10,000, and the rabbi asks, “Why do you want to be a Cohen so badly?” The man answers, “Rabbi, my father was a Cohen. My grandfather was a Cohen. I want to be a Cohen, too.”
What is interesting is that immediately following the 15-word blessing, we read about the sacrificial offerings that each of the twelve tribal princes brought. What is the connection between these gifts and the priestly blessing, and why do the princes bring similar gifts?
The last word of the priestly blessing is “shalom,” meaning peace. On this, Rabbi Jonathan Sacks wrote, “The 15th-century Spanish Jewish commentator, Rabbi Isaac Arama, explained that ‘shalom’ means completeness, perfection, and the harmonious working of a complex system… Peace exists where each element in the system is valued as a vital part of the system and where there is no discord between them.”
I would say that the princely gifts are all about harmony, not one-upmanship between tribes. Richer tribes could not exhibit their wealth by bringing more expensive or a greater number of gifts. Everyone was equal, and as such, a harmonious atmosphere was created.
Inheritance creates conflict
A few days ago, I sat with clients who were coming into a rather large inheritance. They were clearly overwhelmed about what to do with all the money. The first bit of advice that I gave them was to do nothing.
As the money comes in, put it into a short-term, 2-3 month deposit. Nothing is going to happen if the money is ‘not working for you’ for a couple of months.
I then told them to go home, take out a pen and paper, and make a list of the top five things they wanted to do with the money. After completing the list, I recommend putting it in a drawer for three months and then repeating the exercise at the end of August.
Then, they were asked to take out the first list and compare it with the second one. Often, I find that being relaxed and having a bit more perspective can lead to different goals.
I explained to them that ultimately, their goals and needs will be the primary drivers of how the money should be invested, which is another reason to hold off investing for a few months.
Then they really opened up to me and mentioned that because they were in Israel, they were being shortchanged. The woman was offended by this, although given that this was a substantial sum, the amount lost would barely have made a dent in the inheritance.
Based on my experience, I told them that it pays to be the ‘sucker’ in this case and get a bit less to keep the family on speaking terms. The best way to honor parents posthumously is for the children to be on speaking terms with each other.
Far too often, I see siblings stand on principle, and disaster ensues. Inheritance issues break apart the best of families. Often, it’s not even because of the money, but rather about all the dirty old laundry that comes out as one child feels that the parents loved the other child more.
I’ve mentioned that I know a family who receives charity food packages every week because they have no money. They actually could have six to seven million dollars. Their parents, who owned a lot of property in a large US city, died. However, one of the family members believes that he is owed an extra million from each sibling because he took care of the parents for many years.
The rest of the siblings disagree, and for nearly 20 years, they have received virtually nothing. I told my acquaintance that they should give him the million. After all, they have no food! For them, there is no difference between $5m. and $6m.
It’s unfortunate that I only came across this a few hours before sitting down to write this column, as I could have used it earlier in the week during my meeting with my client. What is happening to that family confirms my philosophy of demanding less to keep families whole and the importance of maintaining family unity.
Rabbi Yissocher Frand wrote, “The midrash says that shalom is so critical that even the deceased need shalom, as it is written, ‘And you will come to your fathers in shalom.”
This does not mean that the deceased fight, but rather, if those who are still living fight with one another, then the deceased have no peace either.
Unfortunately, such stories occur daily. Someone dies, there is a contested will, the children are not happy with the division of funds, and families get into the most bitter of arguments. The midrash is saying that if these problems of the living are not solved, even the dead will have no peace.
The information contained in this article reflects the opinion of the author and not necessarily the opinion of Portfolio Resources Group, Inc. or its affiliates.
Aaron Katsman is the author of the book Retirement GPS: How to Navigate Your Way to a Secure Financial Future with Global Investing (McGraw-Hill), and is a licensed financial professional both in the United States and Israel, and helps people who open investment accounts in the United States. Securities are offered through Portfolio Resources Group, Inc. (www.prginc.net). Member FINRA, SIPC, MSRB, FSI. For more information, call (02) 624-0995, and visit www.aaronkatsman.com, or email [email protected]
